Issue #8 The real innovation crisis

​The Work in Progmess Team​ May 13, 2025

💌 From the Editor’s Desk

Happy eye-watering, sneeze-inducing spring everyone! (And if your eyes aren't just watering due to ragweed, but the pending graduation of kin, we have some tips for them too)

This week in Work In ProgMess:
🚿 Innovation dies a soggy, soapless death
⛳ A man tweets his way into Max Homa’s golf calendar
🎓 New grads get a survival guide (an adulting intervention)
📬 And one poor soul thinks Venmo belongs in a thank-you note

We're not saying things are getting weird in the workforce.
We're saying they've been weird—and we brought receipts. (Don't miss the Bitter End link at the end of the newsletter - it's a no brainer. Or do - that's on you.)

Let's gooooo!

— The Mess

📊Messy Metric of the Week

74% of remote employees say they “do their best thinking in the shower.”

87% of them haven’t showered since Tuesday.
The other 13% are lying to their Slack status.
(🧼 Source: The Department of Hygiene Hypocrisy and Creative Block)

But here’s the twist…​
​📈 People generate 60% more creative solutions after engaging in undemanding tasks like showering or walking. (Harvard Business Review, January 2025)
Turns out, rinsing off does rinse off mental clutter.

Hot take (like a steamy hot shower kind);
​If you want fresh ideas, maybe stop scheduling back-to-back meetings and let people marinate. In water. Like humans.

📰Headline Shocker

"The Real Innovation Crisis: Nobody’s Showering Anymore"

Work In ProgMess: Your weekly reminder that the bar can always be lower.

WASHINGTON, DC — In a stunning development that absolutely nobody in management is prepared to address, sources confirmed this week that the root cause of declining innovation isn’t AI, market saturation, or leadership churn—it’s that nobody showers anymore.

“Back in the early days of remote work, people were full of ideas,” said Dr. Erin Volkman, a cognitive neuroscientist turned LinkedIn thought leader. “Then one day they stopped commuting and...stopped showering.”

Volkman’s research, which tracked soap sales, DM usage, and patent filings over the last four years, revealed a disturbing trend: as daily hygiene decreased, so did groundbreaking ideas. The tipping point? “When people started calling dry shampoo a productivity hack.”

A SHOWERLESS NATION

In San Francisco, a 29-year-old startup founder who asked to remain anonymous (but you can smell him from here) admitted he hadn’t showered in six days.

“I used to have epiphanies in the shower,” he said, adjusting a hoodie that may have once been navy. “Now I just scroll my team’s standup notes while stress-eating pickles at 10am.”

THE DEATH OF IDLE THOUGHT

“People used to walk,” said one grizzled UX researcher, staring blankly out the window of a WeWork. “Like, just…walk. No AirPods. No Trello. Just legs and silence.”

He described a time when leaders embraced boredom, where meetings ended and thinking began. “Now it’s Zoom. Then Zoom. Then Zoom again. And suddenly it’s 7:18pm and you’re crying because you accidentally sent your grocery list to the client channel.”

WE’RE NOT WORKING FROM HOME. WE’RE LIVING AT WORK.

The phrase, once considered poetic, is now a diagnosis.

The Federal Office of Occupational Therapy (FOOT) recently issued guidelines urging employees to “shower recreationally” and take “non-task-oriented walks.”

CONCLUSION: THERE IS NONE. NOBODY THINKS ANYMORE.

At press time, the phrase “shower thoughts” had been replaced in the company glossary with “Asynchronous brainstorm assets.”

We asked ChatGPT for a quote. It responded:

Q: What do showers, long walks, and staring into space have in common?

A: They’ve all been canceled in favor of ‘quick syncs.’

Better A: They are also what these great thinkers had in common. Mozart. Einstein. DaVinci (Source: The Creating Brain. Andreasen, Nancy)

💡The Sports Page

850 Days of Pestering Pays Off in Golf (Still Useless in Corporate Email Threads)

BY STAFF WRITER: CHIP PERSISTENCE

INTERNET — In a world where attention spans expire faster than microwave burritos, one man defied the odds—armed only with a Twitter handle and the unshakeable belief that “no response” is just the start of a long conversation.

For 850 consecutive days, Twitter user @ConkyCBR tweeted at pro golfer Max Homa, asking—politely, persistently, pathologically—to play a round of golf.

And for 850 consecutive days, he got nothing. Nada. The digital equivalent of a shrug from a TSA agent.

Until Day 850, when the universe blinked.

Translation: Respectful brush-off.

🧠 Work In ProgMess Takeaway: Pestering > Pinging

This wasn’t gentle networking. This was Olympic-level follow-up.
The kind HR manuals claim to discourage but reward if you add a 🎯 emoji.

You say you want it—until Day 19 hits and you’re binge-watching Beef while your dreams rot in Drafts.

What’s your 850?

• Following up with that ghosting client?
• Resurrecting the idea middle management smothered in a decision-free standup?
• Accepting your mom’s calendar invite for once in your life?

And hey—most of your heroes aren’t on another continent dodging you with a smile and a 5-wood.

Final Leaderboard:

🥇 @ConkyCBR — 850 Days of Posting
🥈 Max Homa — Dodging with Dignity
🥉 Everyone Else — Gave Up at Day 19

🏌️‍♀️ Quiet Admirers — Still Drafting Their First Message

​

🤝 Soft Skills Survival Guide

10 Things You Must Do Now That You’ve Graduated

(You can’t major in life, but you can definitely flunk the first year. Let’s avoid that.)

1. Rename your résumé file something other than “Final_Final_USE_THIS_2.pdf.”
   ​Hiring managers are not cryptographers.
   ​
2. Start writing thank-you notes that sound like gratitude, not hostage negotiation.
   ​“Thank you for your time” is a baseline. Not a personality.
   ​
3. Buy pants that say “I have a job”.
   ​These are called “work slacks.” They live in the sad section of stores.
   ​
4. Figure out if you’re LinkedIn, unLinked, or just emotionally unavailable.
   ​But please update something. Your senior year GPA isn’t a secret weapon.
   ​
5. Pick one adult task and do it on purpose.
   ​Schedule your own dental appointment. Learn what a 401(k) is. Buy stamps. Flex.
   ​
6. Decide what you want to be known for—before someone decides for you.
   ​ If you don’t tell people your strengths, they’ll assume it’s “reliable Zoom joiner.”
   ​
7. Stop writing cover letters like you’re apologizing for being born.
   ​You’re not a burden. You’re just unemployed. There’s a difference.
   ​
8. Memorize your Social Security number.
   ​You’ll need it 400 times. You’ll panic 399.
   ​
9. Make one friend who’s two life stages ahead of you.
   ​Not because they have it all figured out—but because they know which stuff doesn’t matter.secret weapon.
   ​
10. You replaced one coping mechanism with an actual habit.
    ​Hydrating counts. So does finally canceling that free trial.

📩Bad Advice We Fixed This Week

“Thank You Note Includes Gratitude, Aspirations, and... Venmo Handle?”

BY STAFF WRITER: TAYLOR DRAFTS-A-LOT

SEATTLE, WA — Local job candidate Aaron C., 29, was praised this week for his thoughtful follow-up email after a panel interview—until hiring managers reached paragraph five.

What started as a warm, professional message veered into an unsolicited TEDx pitch, a few unresolved childhood narratives, and a link to a Notion page titled “Why I’m a Cultural Asset.”

By the end, Aaron had included:

• A haiku about resilience
• His zodiac sign
• A note about not validating parking
• A Venmo QR code, labeled “if you want to invest in talent early”

✅ WHAT YOU SHOULD INCLUDE:

• Gratitude (normal amounts)
• Specific details from the conversation
• A sentence that says “I’m excited about the opportunity,” not “I’ve already ordered a company hoodie”
• Correct spelling of the recipient’s name
• Nothing that makes the reader wonder if they’ve adopted you emotionally

🧠 Pro Tip:

The best thank-you notes are like a good handshake: firm, brief, and not moist with desperation.

If you’re not sure whether to include it, don’t.

And if you feel the need to say “just wanted to follow up on my thank-you note,” it’s already too late.

📩Until Next Time…

Before You Close the Tab...

Here’s your weekly reminder:

🚿 Brainstorms don’t work if your brain hasn’t seen water this week.
🏃‍♂️ Walking meetings are just procrastination with cardio. Own it.
🧴 The only “productivity hack” that consistently works? Soap.

And if this issue made you laugh, wince, or whisper “oh no” at your screen, forward it to:

• a coworker who’s building an AI tool to replace walking
• a manager who replaced thinking time with “ideation sessions”
• or that one friend who treats Slack like a diary

Help them unlearn. Or at least make them suspicious of their own calendar invites.

Be the reason someone else has a mini career epiphany 👇 Your personal magic link: [RH_REFLINK GOES HERE] Facebook Twitter Whatsapp Linkedin PS: You have referred [RH_TOTREF GOES HERE] people so far ⚡️ by SparkLoop

You made it. Which means one of the following is true:
a) You genuinely love this newsletter
b) You’re procrastinating on a slide deck named "Q2_Brainsync_MeetingNotes_2.pptx"

Either way, may your showers be long,​
—The Progmess Editorial Team

P.S. 🎁 The Bitter End Bonus: Your Brain, Unclogged

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