📰Headline Shocker
Happy Hour Test Added to SATs: Students Must Prove They Can Ask Better Questions Than “What Do You Do?”
Experts say small talk skills now worth more points than algebra.
PRINCETON, NJ — In a move that shocked parents, educators, and awkward teenagers alike, the College Board announced Monday that the SAT will now include a mandatory Happy Hour Test.
The new section, worth 400 points, requires students to enter a simulated networking event and demonstrate basic conversation skills without resorting to the dreaded phrase: “So… what do you do?”
“Grades and test scores are fine,” said College Board spokesperson Dana Rivers, “but colleges really want to know: can you handle a lukewarm mozzarella stick platter and still manage to ask a decent question?”
Students will be graded on creativity, listening, and nacho etiquette. Sample high-scoring openers include:
- “What’s the best thing that happened to you this week?”
- “What’s something you’re working on that excites you?”
- “Do you also feel like LinkedIn is just Facebook in a suit?”
Early test pilots revealed a 73 percent failure rate, with most students either panicking or asking for LinkedIn connections mid-conversation.
Industry leaders, however, praised the change. “It’s not about jobs. It’s about relationships,” said one recruiter. “And nothing reveals your career potential faster than whether someone would choose to sit next to you at happy hour.”
Insiders suggest that by 2030, résumés may be replaced entirely by Yelp-style reviews from coworkers: “5 stars, would totally split nachos again.”
🪑 From The Editor’s Desk
Okay, so maybe the SAT isn’t adopting happy hours anytime soon. But here’s the truth: networking is less about what you do and more about who you are in the room.
That is why we wrote about the Happy Hour Test in The Business of You. It is simple: imagine someone has to sit with you at happy hour. Would they want to? If the answer is no, your credentials won’t save you.
So ask better questions. Listen more. And for the love of nachos, stop leading with your job title.
