Issue #1 Wake Up! You asked for this!

​The Work in Progmess Team​ March 24, 2025

💌 From the Editor’s Desk

Welcome to Work In Progmess—a satirical newsletter for anyone who’s ever tried to grow as a person and immediately given contradictory advice on how to make that happen. We’re glad you’re here, even if you’re not totally sure why you subscribed.

In this issue, you’ll learn:

• How to stand out in a sea of “hardworkers”
• How to wield your power without needing a cape or a podcast
• Why “excellent communication skills” isn’t a personality
• What not to do from LinkedIn

Read on, spiral responsibly, and maybe forward this to someone who still thinks an inspirational quote taped to the wall counts as culture change.

— The Mess

📊Messy Metric of the Week

83% of people building their personal brand still don’t know what they want to be known for. (Sources: A post-it note, a LinkedIn poll, and a vibe.)

True? Probably not, but this is:

85% of success is based on soft skills. (Carnegie Foundation)

So it’s a good thing you are here!

📰Headline Shocker

📣"For the first time in recorded history, an applicant did not say 'I'm a hard worker' when asked about their strengths. Experts remain in shock."

By The Progmess Newsroom

In an unprecedented turn of events, local hiring manager Sarah Davidson found herself momentarily speechless when an interviewee answered the standard "What are your strengths?" question without using any of the pre-approved corporate buzzwords.

"I was fully expecting the usual—'hard worker,' 'team player,' maybe even 'detail-oriented' if they were feeling bold," Davidson explained. "But then... they actually gave me a real answer."

The candidate, who remains unnamed due to HR confidentiality policies, reportedly said, "I love solving complex problems. In my last role, I revamped an outdated process and cut our project turnaround time by 30%."

Recruiters nationwide are calling this a “game-changer.” Industry insiders predict a ripple effect that may force other job seekers to, shockingly, prepare real examples of their skills instead of relying on vague adjectives.

Still, skeptics remain. One seasoned job applicant, Chad Reynolds, dismissed the strategy. “Sounds risky,” he said. “I’ve been using ‘hard worker’ since high school, and it’s gotten me this far. Why start now?”

💡Soft Skill Survival Guide

Today’s Tip: “Stop Saying You’re a Good Communicator. Show It.”

Every résumé says “excellent communication skills.”
But communication isn’t a bullet point—it’s behavior.

Want to stand out? Try:

• Actually replying to emails without sounding like an AI assistant.
• Listening without interrupting (revolutionary, we know).
• Explaining ideas clearly, without jargon or performance voice.
• Saying “I messed that up—here’s how I’ll fix it.”
• Match the Medium to the Message: Don't send a novel via Slack or ask urgent questions through email. Choosing the right channel makes your message clearer.

If you do that consistently, you don’t need to say you’re a good communicator. Everyone will already know.

📩Dear Progmess

“I Keep Getting Feedback That I Need To ‘Embrace my superpower.’ What Does That Even Mean?”

​

Dear Confused,​
Ah yes, the classic “embrace my superpower” feedback—where vague language meets imaginary outcomes.

Here’s what it probably means:
You’re technically fine… but you’re too quiet, too passive, too agreeable, or not doing something big enough to make middle management feel like they coached you.

That doesn’t mean you need to shout in meetings or buy a ring light. It means you probably need to speak with more intention, own your strengths without apologizing, and stop writing emails that start with “just checking in.”

Here are three quick-hit tips to truly 'embrace your superpower':

1. Project Your Value, Not Just Your Voice: Think about what you're really good at and make sure those skills are visible in your daily work. It's not about being loud; it's about letting your contributions speak volumes.
2. Redefine Your Check-Ins: Instead of starting your emails with 'just checking in,' try 'providing an update' or 'highlighting our progress.' It shifts the tone from passive to proactive.
3. Claim Your Achievements: When you accomplish something, own it. Share your successes in a way that feels natural to you but ensures they're seen and recognized. No need for a bat signal—just consistent communication.

Your power is your presence. Not your decibel level.

But hey—if you do show up with a cape, please send photos.

🔥 Bad Advice We Saw on LinkedIn This Week

🧠 How to Fix the Feed: Résumé Edition We’re not saying you’ve been lied to… Okay, maybe we are. These tips need a light roast and a heavy rewrite:

❌ Bad Advice #1: Tailor your résumé to every job you apply for. Buzzwords and generic reshuffling often turn your résumé into a decorated cake that no one asked for. It's time to prioritize real substance over keyword stuffing.

🛠 Progmess Counter: Focus on strong content that genuinely reflects your capabilities, not just buzzword glitter.

❌ Bad Advice #2: Apply to as many jobs as possible—it’s a numbers game. This often leads to a forgetful spray-and-pray job hunting strategy, diluting your focus and diminishing your chances of securing the right role.

🛠 Progmess Counter: Be strategic with your applications. Quality over quantity ensures you're genuinely interested in the roles you pursue, enhancing your chances of success.

❌ Bad Advice #3: Include every possible skill and accomplishment. Result? A résumé that's as cluttered as a junk drawer, obscuring your true qualifications and worth.

🛠 Progmess Counter: Streamline your résumé. Highlight relevant and recent accomplishments that align with the job you want.

💡 What You Actually Need:

1. A résumé that tells a clear, concise story of your career path and achievements.
2. Evidence of impact over a laundry list of duties.
3. Language that reflects your true professional persona, not a thesaurus spree.

📌 Want more myth-busting tips and career truth bombs? Subscribe to Work In ProgMess—it's like if The Onion met a career coach.

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Stay savvy, network smartly, and let your résumé open doors to opportunities that truly suit you! 💼🚪✨

🧪An Experiment in Knowing Things

📩Until Next Time…

If your career still feels like a Work in Progmess, don’t worry—you’re in good company. Share this with a friend who also has no idea what they’re doing (but is faking it well).

Got a funny story, bad advice you’ve seen, or a topic you want us to roast? Send it our way—our inbox is always open (unlike that one coworker who never replies to emails).

See you next week!

🚀The Work in Progmess Team

PS. You made it to the bitter end…click here for a recipe for disaster (mocktail that is 😉 )

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